Monday, August 29, 2011

Intangible Gifts

There will be no photo accompanying this post, because often the Lord shows me His love and blessing through intangible ways -- ways I can't see or touch, but ways that are deeply impactful in my spiritual life. I love it when He speaks to me and teaches me right where I am in life.

It's ironic that even though my body has been very weary recently, I have also been very restless in my mind and spirit. I recognize this comes from anxiety in my heart, which I struggle with quite often. I also struggle with probably the worst form of anxiety -- anxiety of getting too close to my Savior. I get afraid of what He may ask of me, or what He may "take away" from me. This has happened because of some ways that He has "disappointed" me in the past (at least according to my human perception). The truth is, whenever you get disappointed or hurt, your ability to trust gets damaged as well.

But you know, even through all this "stuff" in my rocky journey toward Him, He is faithful and patient. He has been the One to show me what my struggles are, what has caused them, and that the answer is to "Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10a) Being still has a lot to do with resting and trusting. So I ask myself how I trust people, when it should be so much easier to trust a perfect God than imperfect people. It must be that I know and love them. I know their character, and know they wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I know they would do everything in their power for my good. Therefore, I trust them.

Ahhh, says the Lord. That's the key. So, after being a "believer" so many years, I find myself still in need of REALLY KNOWING my Lord and therefore REALLY TRUSTING Him. And you know, just as He has been teaching me these things, I feel assured He will stay with me, ever faithful and patient along the way. And I know from past experience, it won't be an easy ride. I am left with the only response I can make. I am helpless. I am weak, but He is strong. I have only the ability to ask the most simple yet profound prayer my heart can make of Him: Help.

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