Monday, August 29, 2011

Intangible Gifts

There will be no photo accompanying this post, because often the Lord shows me His love and blessing through intangible ways -- ways I can't see or touch, but ways that are deeply impactful in my spiritual life. I love it when He speaks to me and teaches me right where I am in life.

It's ironic that even though my body has been very weary recently, I have also been very restless in my mind and spirit. I recognize this comes from anxiety in my heart, which I struggle with quite often. I also struggle with probably the worst form of anxiety -- anxiety of getting too close to my Savior. I get afraid of what He may ask of me, or what He may "take away" from me. This has happened because of some ways that He has "disappointed" me in the past (at least according to my human perception). The truth is, whenever you get disappointed or hurt, your ability to trust gets damaged as well.

But you know, even through all this "stuff" in my rocky journey toward Him, He is faithful and patient. He has been the One to show me what my struggles are, what has caused them, and that the answer is to "Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10a) Being still has a lot to do with resting and trusting. So I ask myself how I trust people, when it should be so much easier to trust a perfect God than imperfect people. It must be that I know and love them. I know their character, and know they wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. I know they would do everything in their power for my good. Therefore, I trust them.

Ahhh, says the Lord. That's the key. So, after being a "believer" so many years, I find myself still in need of REALLY KNOWING my Lord and therefore REALLY TRUSTING Him. And you know, just as He has been teaching me these things, I feel assured He will stay with me, ever faithful and patient along the way. And I know from past experience, it won't be an easy ride. I am left with the only response I can make. I am helpless. I am weak, but He is strong. I have only the ability to ask the most simple yet profound prayer my heart can make of Him: Help.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

A Simple Gesture Can Mean So Much

So much for my idea I was going to post here regularly. Ha! Time has been moving along, and while I have had many ideas for my blog here -- thankfully the Lord has not stopped showing me His blessings and Love -- both time constraints and perfectionism have kept me from recording them. My bad! May I hopefully do better, because I find this so important for me.

Today I had one of those days where it is hard to see the blessings and to be thankful. I have been feeling blah emotionally, and physically weary the last few days. Add a headache today, and well, I just wasn't feeling well at all. And no matter how much I rested, I just couldn't seem to feel any better it seemed. With days like this, the frustration and discouragement levels mount, especially when my mind has all these ideas about things I would have liked to accomplish today, without a single one getting done.

This evening, having to come up with an idea for supper and actually fix it just served to further overwhelm me. So I wonder if you can imagine what I felt, when David volunteered to make supper and clean up afterward? Oh, sweet blessing! A husband who understands, AND makes a wonderful meal for us! It tasted so good! It made me feel so loved and cared for, and so special too. I really, really appreciated it! And I really, really appreciate him too! What a gift to know that God uses others to bless me as well!